I hate my self
When I met you, I pretending not seeing you.
Or I will ignore you.
Or I just walk away not seeing at you.
I act like I really don’t like you.
Or I’m just quite.
But you should know…
In my deep heart…
I said “how are you?”
“Are you okay?”
“How about your life?”
“How’s your day?”
I really wanna know about that…
But I just can’t.
And I hate myself because I’m doing that.
I hate myself for ignore you.
At ulfa’s sweet home
Curhat ah. Kemaren itu ama hari ini sekolah libur. Tadinya udah seneng libur 2 hari, mau prepare buat Nobar Divergent Minggu ini. Tau-taunya yg guru tetap disuruh masuk, karena ada 3 lpj yg harus diselesain buat dikirim ke dinas. Dan jadilah LEMBUR, kemaren sampe sore, tadi sampe malem. Dan NIAT bgt lemburan dan uang pembuatan LPJ itu kalo turun mau dibeliin Macbook. Karena udah merenggut 2 hari libur gue.
Oke, lanjut istirahat karena besok masih MASUK (lagi)
Oh God… 😩😫😢 – at ulfa’s sweet home – See on Path.
In my age now.
I supposed to get married.
But I don’t have a boyfriend or fiancé.
I’m not hopeless.
Hope there’s a boy who love me secretly and suddenly come to my home and ask me to marry him.
No, not like that…
When my mom or my dad or anyone talk to me about “marriage” all I think is…
You can call me phobia with that stuff.
But I don’t know why I’m afraid.
I’m not excited like other girl when they talk about that.
If it’s fair… And if I can… I don’t wanna get married.
I’m happy with all of this.
Alone, pity and mercy.
I’m happy for that.
Or maybe I’m just tired start a new beginning with someone new…
Or maybe I’m afraid with all problem that I’ll get after married, because all I know…
All I hear about that stuff is burden, not free anymore, all of bad things, bad feelings, or anything…
Anything means negativity for their life.
Is that true or not?
Is that true that a marriage just bring misery?
I just know some people, a little…
Who say that her marriage is happily ever after…
And a lot… Say that’s just misery…
Yeah, I’m afraid that I’ll get broken heart again.
I wanna be happy with my husband and my daughter and my son.
Love them truly.
I don’t want to complain just to love them.
I wanna see them smile, laugh, everyday.
I don’t wanna make them sad or cry.
I’m just afraid if I can’t do that for them.